So, I am deep in the weeds of wedding planning right now. 

Lately, I’ve been weighing how many Palestinian traditions I want to incorporate in our wedding. For example, there’s the tradition known as the “zaffa,” which refers to a bride/groom entrance. It involves a group of musicians playing drums, bagpipes and horns; they surround the bride and groom as the guests clap and dance alongside them. It’s a very theatrical, festive entrance that hypes everyone up. The problem, though, is that there are only so many zaffa groups in the U.S. (especially around North Carolina), so it’s not cheap. 

All of this got me thinking about my own parents’ wedding. It sounded epic. I called my mom the other day and we ended up talking about it for a while. They got married in Gaza, by the beach. They, of course, had a zaffa (it was my mom’s favorite part of the wedding), and it lasted about half an hour as they slowly walked from her family’s house to the venue. My mom had three wedding dresses — three! A white dress, a pink dress and a black dress. They invited about 350 guests, and the whole thing cost them about $20,000. They spent the whole night dancing, and that was just their wedding night. The night before, my mom and dad each had a party with their friends and family (the equivalent of a bachelor or bachelorette party, but a lot bigger). Then, the day after the wedding, known as sabahiya, their extended family and friends visited them, and, instead of gifts, they handed them money. My mom shared pictures with me that actually made my jaw drop. I’d never seen them before. 

Because of the cost and availability, it’s tough figuring out how many Palestinian and Middle Eastern elements to include in our wedding. For example, we’re trying to find a musician in NC who can play the oud during cocktail hour, but so far I’ve only been able to find one option. We also haven’t made a decision yet on the zaffa because of cost. At the very least, though, I want our DJ to play Arabic music for a good portion of the wedding. And there will for sure be a lot of traditional dancing and, definitely, dabka. Can’t wait for future Reema to share the wedding details with you all once decisions have actually been made. Wish me luck!!

— Reema

Uncomfortable Questions

Check out Reema's new video series

New for this season, Reema is asking friends, colleagues and other interesting people uncomfortable money questions. This week: comedian and actress Aparna Nancherla. She’ll talk about bunny-sitting, negotiating pay and almost falling for a scam phone call. Watch the whole thing on Instagram!

This week on the podcast

A big, fat loophole

What if we told you there was a way to walk away from your debts with no financial consequences? There’s just one big catch. By 21, Anthony was on top of the world: He had a six-figure salary, a loft apartment and a car with heated seats. But when the 2008 recession hit, he lost it all. And in trying to climb back up the ladder, he landed himself in $200,000 worth of debt. That is, until he found a loophole that would let him avoid ever paying it back. (Listening time, 29:26)

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“This Is Uncomfortable” is produced by Reema Khrais, Megan Detrie, Hayley Hershman, Peter Balonon-Rosen, Camila Kerwin and Daniel Martinez. Digital producer Tony Wagner built this newsletter.